Friday, June 17, 2011

the wheels on the bus


long story short - I have been sat on various London buses and trains without music to block out the natives. What did I learn? Eavesdropping can be quite amusing. As are Londoners! (Unintentionally!) Here is a few of my favourite snippets of conversation I 'overheard' (and remembered):

  • Two guys around 15 years old:
    • 'naaah, i'm well rough wiv dem laike i proper bang dat shit bro'
    • 'yeaaaah, whatever'
    • 'naah really bruv i proper whack dat shit'
    • 'yo, dis is da stop'
    • {carried on like this for ten mins}
    • 'are you sure your mum will be okay with me staying?'
    • 'yeah, i'll just say your mum's out'
    • 'do you want me to stand outside while you ask?'

    • an off duty bus driver talking to the driver both around 55+
      • 'morning!'
      • 'you alright?'
      • 'yeah! i decided to have a nap this morning. i got up at around 6, you see, and thought, "sod it!" at around 8 so i've only just gotten up!'
      • 'it's alright for some!'
      • 'yeah, well, my dad kept phoning me. he woke me up, you see'
      • 'oh really, what did he want?'
      • 'something about being locked out. that reminds me, can you drop me off outside his house please?'

      • two women, around 25 years old:
        • 'i just said to him, "look, how long have you been cheating on me? since i was pregnant?" and he just nodded.'
        • 'so do you still talk to him?'
        • 'yeah, when i bring the kids to see him and stuff. i mean, she was only 9 months when he went away, and that was 2 years ago and the minimum he can serve is 22 years to life.'
        • 'shit that's a long time - you're gonna be like 45 when he gets out!'
        • 'yeah and the kids will be my age. he's gonna miss seeing everything. i just told him, last time i saw him, that the only reason he's sorry now and wants to see them now is because he can't see them everyday. when he could see them everyday he didn't care. i used to do everything for him - cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, all he had to do was come home. that's what i said to him, "all you had to do was come home. and you couldn't even manage that."

        • three women, early thirties, around 11pm on a friday night:
          • 'you managed to get away from the boys then!'
          • 'oh god, i honestly thought i was going to be there all night. when i got up and said i was definitely leaving this time he started calling me that was going to make me change my mind!'
          • 'oh, they're only young, bless 'em'
          • 'young, drunk and brain dead. it was nice meeting you tonight by the way. have you been working here long?'
          • 'around five years. erm, i should probably mention now that james is my brother.'
          • 'oh. shit. really? sorry - he was alright!! it was the other boys who were brain dead....'

          • gang of guys, early twenties, around 9am on a sunday morning:
            • 'christ this train stinks!'
            • 'you're only saying that to stop people thinking it's YOU that smells'
            • 'shut up. like you'd smell fresh after sleeping in a phone box all night.'
            • 'all night?? you were in there for four hours MAX!'
            • 'whatever, i woke up with around a tenner in change you know, like outside the door, people must have thought i was homeless or something.'
            • '....or just in need of a wash.'
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